Starting Over

Hi. I'm Rachel. You might know me, maybe we've never even met. This is a blog about my life. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's sad, sometimes it's disappointing but overall it's my life. I wrote a blog called Life With Lavenders for 6 years but recently changed over to this one because....see below.

A little about myself. I'm 31 years old and I am recently divorced from my husband of nearly 12 years. Up until last year he was my first and only...everything really. I don't have any children of my own, though we tried. After some initially testing we found out that both of us had some issues which was preventing us from being able to conceive. A local OB/GYN suggested that IVF would most likely be our only option. Because of the cost and time it would take, we never made the appointment with the fertility clinic. I'm sure we will get into that later.

I'm not perfect by any means, I fuck up quite a bit. Over the last year I have experienced many life lessons, most of them ending in tears and regret but I always try to see the silver lining, no matter how faint it may be. In 2016, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Up until recently, I've had a very difficult time handling life and all that comes with it. Things aren't always good but thanks to a recently medication change, they are tolerable and I'm looking forward to a much brighter future.

I feel like this is going in a poor me direction so let's focus on the good things. I have a house rabbit named Magnus and two cats, CC & Lu and shared custody of three amazing dogs, Saffy, Bella and Rolo. I'm in quite a bit of debt but it's not crippling like say polio, more like sporadic back issues. It's there but I can still function and some days I don't feel completely hopeless amount of debt. I'm overweight and sometimes I have a bad attitude but it doesn't last for very long.

I work with the public and at times I want to pull my hair out but I really enjoy helping others and love what I do. At my job I am able to bounce in between being super creative, super researchy, a person of support and it's pretty much a perfect fit for me.

You may be asking yourself, "Ok..you sound normalish, why should I care about your life and read this blog? What makes you unique to spend my precious time on whatever you write and not playing Candy Crush instead?" Well I'll tell you....

I'm real. I will tell you how it is. I deal with a lot of shit in life and have a humorous take on it. At the same time, you will relate to me. We'll talk about the things that people don't want to talk about. I'll talk about love, life, relationships, mental health, everything. I'm not afraid to tell the world about that time I slightly pooped my pants at work.

But the number one reason you should keep reading, is because my name is Rachel...and I don't know what the fuck I am doing.