No Refunds

Once upon a time, I got a part-time job. It was a good job but it was only 20 hours a week. At this job, I noticed that some of my new coworkers were very set in their ways. They came to work, did what they did, day in and day out. I am not that kind of person. While I very much like my schedule to go exactly the same way everyday, consistency makes me less anxious, I also like to learn new things. I want to have a place in life. Not in a conceited way, even though it may look like that to some, I want to earn my importance and my standing. I don't like people who feel like they are entitled to respect or importance, you earn it.

So instead of just saying, "This is my position, this is what I do. I'm going to come to work and just do what I'm told to do" I dug in. I went beyond what my job entailed. I learned everything there was to know about our online services, editing the website, etc. I used my technological prowess to make myself valuable. Long story short, this bitch was extra af.

Soon I was given more responsibility and a few more hours. It was nice but I kept going. The day that ebook lending became available through our library, I was on it. I became an expert. When a full time position opened, I got it. By this time I was able to work every desk, perform every duty with the exception of the bookkeeping and cataloging. I was the go to tech person. I ran the Facebook page, the website, I wrote an article every month for a local publication, I booked a couple authors to come talk, I wore a lot of hats. I have to admit, I took pride in myself and I felt like an essential asset. I got a little cocky but it felt earned. I was needed.

Then we got a new director. Him and I did not get along. He didn't like being challenged or spoken out against. I, on the other hand, do not necessarily do well with authority, especially male authority. Especially male authority who clearly has an issue with women who speak their mind. I strongly believe that everyone should have a voice when it comes to any facet of their lives. To come into a place and start making changes without any kind of background knowledge is foolish. Anyways after a couple of "heated" arguments I got hauled into his office where I was reprimanded. Though he had a lot to say (much of it very unprofessional) one statement really hit me in the gut. "EVERYONE is replaceable."

I had worked so hard to make myself valuable and felt security in my job because I had been told by several members of management that I was an asset to the library. Hearing those words directed at me threw me completely. In that moment I realized he was right. Everyone is replaceable and I am no exception to that rule. No matter how well I did at my job, I was replaceable.

Little did I know at the moment just how replaceable I would become in the next two years. Though that director left his position and I didn't lose my job, I have been replaced in almost every aspect of my life. By my friends, my ex, even some of the duties I had earned at work have been given away to others. I am reminded every few weeks just how replaceable I am, both directly and indirectly.

Did I earn my displacement? I guess it depends on who you ask. I'm sure the others parties would say yes and who am I to argue? We all have our reasons, whether it be moving on after heartache, feeling betrayed, being disrespected, or maybe because we withdrawal ourselves and just don't have the energy to commit to fixing the problem. Regardless of the reason the fact remains the same, no matter what you do or who you are, you are replaceable.........but this doesn't mean you're unforgettable.

You may replace me but you'll never forget me.